It may sound weird for a Canadian to say, but one of the things I have learned this year is not to apologize.
I’m not going to apologize for my emotions. If I burst into tears seemingly at random, trust me it is not random.
I’m not going to apologize for bypassing the socially acceptable answer to the question “How are you?” and answering, instead, “I’m alive.” I’m not being melodramatic with this. It’s honestly an accomplishment.
I’m not going to apologize for saying 2016 has been the hardest year of my life.
I’m not going to apologize for posting a gazillion photos on instagram. These are not humblebrags, or narcissistic self-praise, or anything of the sort. These are concerted attempts to document for myself, and for those that are wishing/praying/pushing me to succeed, the journey from brokenness to wholeness.
I’m not going to apologize for using this cheesy phrase from Luke Cage, “Always forward. Forward always.” This mantra has gotten me through many dark moments of the heart.
Always forward. Many people are spending today reflecting on how horrible/wonderful/etc 2016 has been. Me? I am looking forward. It’s not that no good things have happened for me in 2016, but it’s that the pain inside me from the bad things is still so raw, so acute, so potent that to look back, even just for a second, can send me spinning. I know there will come a time when I can look back and smile about the memories made this last year – these last years – but that time is not now. So I am holding tightly to this phrase: Always forward. Forward always.
Forward to 2017, when I will be moving forward to a new apartment with good friends to start a new phase of life.
Forward to 2017, when I will be moving forward, on a grand adventure to New Zealand and Australia, to restore my soul. (Where my NZ and AU peeps at?)
Forward to 2017, when I will be leaving my job and moving forward to grad school.
Forward to 2017, when I will be moving on… moving forward.
Happy New Year, my friends.