Square fifty seven

Lately I’ve been tormented by the feeling I’ve been set back to “square one.” By the pandemic. By divorce. By the increasingly impossible cost of living in my city. By the social consequences of prolonged “bubble” restrictions. Square one… the words haunt me, and send me spinning into a downward spiral. Maybe if it was […]

The Longest Night

Tonight is winter solstice: the longest night of the year. It certainly feels like it. In fact, it feels like we’ve been living in the longest night for awhile now. Waiting, in the darkness, for the light to come. Today, in my part of the world, we were told, yet again, of more restrictions. Just […]

Dead Reckoning

“So how’s the writing going?” An innocent question asked out of genuine care and interest pierces my heart. As any writer probably knows, any writer who hasn’t been writing, because… because. This simple question shines an unwelcome light into the darkest recesses of my cringing soul, through the secret back entrance that was foolishly left […]

Life Block

We’ve all heard of Writer’s Block. Some will tell you it is very real and can be crippling. Others will tell you it’s all in your head. Both of these are probably true. Whether it’s real or all in my head, I think I’ve been struggling for a while with not just Writer’s Block, but […]

The Grad School Dagger

When you’re trying to (a) focus on grad school, (b) make enough money to support yourself and pay for said grad school, and (c) manage the stress of pandemic life alone, among other things, the reminder that you spent 2.5 years of your life working Full Time so your former spouse could focus on grad […]

Psalm of Lament

How long, O Lord, must I wait in isolation? How long must I hide from the company of those I love? Until I wither into nothingness? Until I fade out of existence? Until I myself am just a distant memory, somebody that somebody else used to know? But this isolation is not the darkest place […]

Scene Of The Crime

Eleven years ago today, I got married. Four years ago today, I faced my first January 9th as a newly single, brokenhearted person. Today – for the first time – I returned to the scene of the crime.

Forget-The-Year

I don’t have the patience for New Year’s Resolutions this year. Or maybe patience is the wrong word: energy. Tolerance. F*cks to give. So when I saw this post by Maggie Smith turning the entire concept on its head, I exhaled a loud “AMEN.” The origin of the word resolution, Smith explains, can be traced […]

Captain’s Log 2020

Captain’s Log, Earthdate 30.12.2020. We have almost completed a full revolution around the sun of the Earth’s star system. When we began this mission almost 365 Earth days ago, it seemed routine; hopeful even. There was little indication of the nature of the challenges we would face. In what now retrospectively seems like foreshadowing, I […]

Quarried Light

“When you come through a phase of pain or isolation or suffering, the light that is given to you at the end of that is a very precious light”, writes John O’Donohue (my bold/underline), whose words have been my companion these last couple of months. This idea of a light earned through hardship, isolation and […]